Happy 'just enough' Spring.

Yesterday marked the spring equinox and we barely even had a winter! I know that I've been absent from my blog lately... so here are just a couple of things I've been thinking about and learning:

1.  I took another one of Christa's Franklin method classes--this time it was about the jaw and neck. I always learn so much from her about how my body works and can apply it directly to my yoga teaching. I had a crazy knot in my shoulder that went away the morning after taking her class.  Awesome.

But the pivotal breakthough I had wasn't even about my anatomy--
it was the idea of using 'just enough effort' in everything I do. This has always made complete sense to me with my body--economy of movement. You don't want to expend any extra energy by clenching your fists while you run or your jaw while you flow through a vinyasa yoga class, right?

I've always had it set in my head (from years of everyone telling me that trying hard is what matters), that if I try hard enough, I can do it.

First of all... that's just not true. But because it usually worked for me it led me to believe that trying even harder must be better. This really killed me with teaching at a charter school because I could ALWAYS work harder. I could always be BETTER, right? When really... I just need to be 'good enough' for what I want to achieve-- which might be different from day to day.  And relaxing-- rather than always pushing to be better will allow me to be 'better' anyway-- same with parenting.
Expending 'just enough' energy makes more sense.

2.  I'm on a new path for healing. I have been dealing with horrible allergies since I was eight years old. Insomnia and stress would flare up throughout the years depending on my life circumstances. For the past 6 years I've been getting worse with the allergies and insomnia. I attributed it first to my job, and then to the death of my mom, new baby, etc... But there's always something and even though I've tried every nutritional plan, supplement and holistic therapy possible, I can't seem to get better. I reached a breaking point.
I found this article and the doctor that wrote it. I'm going to get a hair test for heavy metals and it will probably show that I am toxic. Her plan is more affordable than anything else I've ever done and it makes so much sense. The catch is that it could take a couple of years to heal my adrenals (and in that process let go of the heavy metals). Yikes. But completely worth it if I can feel like myself again... I've been feeling rather hopeless about it lately...

Just one more thing...
3. Speaking of heavy metals, I really love Desi's recipe for natural deodorant. I've always known that most make-up is not made of good stuff, but it really hit home when I received the county's trash instructions and they had cosmetics on the "toxic, not to be thrown out with the normal trash" list. Yikes! So, I'm on a search for natural beauty products that work well.

 If you have any recipes or recommendations please let me know...

Thanks for listening... sorry so long!
xo

Dreaming in 2012

I've never been much for resolutions, but I've always been a sucker for self-help books and activities like The Artist's Way or How to Think Like Da Vinci. I signed up for a newsletter the other day at mondobeyondo.org, and although I'm skeptical of 'life coaches' and such, I'm curious about what they do. They sent me a PDF 'dream generator' (a list of questions to write and think about). When Jasona came home early from work on New Year's Day and the boys were napping I convinced him to go through the exercise with me for fun.   Here are some of my answers. Maybe typing them on the screen as well as writing them longhand will bring them into existence *Poof*!

1. Where do I want to go?
In no specific order:
The Parker Hotel in Palm Springs (tomorrow would be nice), Europe: (Italy, France, Spain, Greece, Turkey), India, Argentina/South America, Egypt, Thailand, Ireland (again)

2. What would I like to learn?
(again in no particular order): To telemark ski (better than now), to play a stringed instrument like the ukelele or banjo or guitar, to become more fluent in Spanish and another language, to sleep completely through the night, to knit, crochet and even sew (just a bit), various yoga poses and the teaching of various yoga poses, some martial arts, to dance salsa or swing or something similar, and to let go....(because there is SO much more I'd like to learn)

3. What emotion am I longing to experience?
a lengthy bit of elation would be nice.

4.   I'd like to surrender:
the pressure I put on myself to be 'good' at everything--to allow myself to relax and enjoy life more.

5. What adventure am I longing for?
Travel overseas

6. What would I like to own?
(in no particular order): a bike to convert to a mamachari, a deep soaking tub, a really nice bed, quality furniture, pots and pans, some new (to me) clothes.

7. What kind of chance meeting would feel miraculous?
A spiritual teacher (Dalai Lama), someone with amazing connections for us that lead to employment and wealth, my mom.

8. What are some joyful things that I wish I did regularly?
Ski (just need some snow!), rock climb, mountain bike, climb trees, dance. I used to do these more often and I need more of them.

9. What dreams keep coming back to me?
Living in Europe, earning a PhD., running a bed & breakfast

10. What is one dream I've never been brave enough to say outloud?
I feel like I could be some sort of 'healer/teacher' --someone that could truly help people on a deep level--to help people find their own path and joy in life. I haven't been brave enough to say this out loud because it sounds presumptuous and egotistical and hokey on some levels and (of course) I don't mean it that way. I also have so much spiritual work to do before I'd be capable of doing this and that's scary....as letting go of old patterns and bad habits usually is.



Okay. Now, your turn.....and here's to bringing dreams to reality in 2012!

Sweet baby.

Our friends arrived from San Diego today.
Three year old boys running through the house "Poo poo on your head! Poo poo on the floor!"
(laughing hysterically like old friends)
B (11 months) wanted to keep up with the big boys, but was also interested in his future girlfriend. (pictured above. How could he resist?)
Sweet baby girl smiles and bright blue eyes. Soft cheeks.
Sleep.

What do you want me to do?

please?

What do you want me to do? that was the text from Jason (the man who married me) me this afternoon after he received two desperate texts from me: 1.So tired and no break! I need sleep.  and 2. I'm not joking. I'm going to lose it. 

Background:
I'd just been woken up from a 10 minute half-slumber by the baby who also woke me up 4 or 5 times last night (and has been for the past 11 months) nursing and gnawing on me like a little rat, scratching me with his nails as he switches sides. Ouch. I'd just settled the 3 year old down for a nap after 6 hours of strife over everything possible--most importantly, the fact that he does not want the baby touching ANYTHING at all in the house, because Finn has it arranged in a very important manner and it must not be disturbed. Ever. Again.
What happened? Why two days of complete hell? What changed?
As usual (this happens every few weeks) I wonder, maybe I'm really not cut out for this parenting thing. And then I go and read some "mothering" forums about 3 year olds, commiserate and feel better.
The baby refuses to be put down, so I get out the baby carrier and slide him into the backpack. That's when he promptly pees down my back and I send the desperate texts. (note: I didn't even change out of the shirt for another hour or so--that's how bad it was.)

Reading Jasona's text, I realize that I did it to him again. I sent him a 'venting' text. He doesn't even like it when I vent in person or on the phone.  He gets all 'male' on me and thinks, Why are you telling me this? Don't tell me unless there's something I can do to fix it. 
Why do I send him a text like that? What do I want him to do?
1. Stop time and let me sleep for a couple of weeks.
2. Stop time and let me go to a tropical island where I can lie on a hammock at the beach and sleep.
(note: the 'stopping time' element is key here. I fantasize about it all the time. I don't really want to leave my nursing baby without mama for a couple of weeks, I just want to freeze time and let myself escape.)
3. Grant me daily massages and trips to the sauna.
4. Just listen to me.
5. Get home in time for me to take a shower before teaching yoga?

(I only texted #5)

Happy sleeping.

Image source