Teen Yoga

Tonight was the last class of my 6 week 'yoga for teens' session.

 It's been almost two years since I stopped teaching high school to be home with my boys and I was really missing the energy and presence of teenagers. I used to teach an elective yoga class in addition to environmental science-- but this new class was especially good because the students actually chose to be there. They signed up, paid for it and came to the classes outside of the school day and on top of their heavy loads of extra-curricular and sport activities.

Aren't they awesome? We did some partner yoga tonight (as you can see in the photos), which is so much fun to do with this age group because they really want to be social (at least this class did-- it might not work with every group).

I love seeing the contrast between my adult yoga classes and the teens.  I find it fascinating, the different ways that people move, and how their bodies respond to various verbal prompts or poses in general.

But what I truly love is sharing a practice that has helped me to become more aware of my own body and mind in ways that have had a profound impact on my daily life.

I'm feeling grateful.... and sleepy.
goodnight.

Loving Kindness Meditation: Peace out.

I think I've found it! A way to feel love and happiness daily without having to change anything externally!  Of course, it's nothing new. People have been practicing it for a few thousand years. Now I just need to commit to doing it myself every day...

Often at the end of a yoga class during our final relaxation (shavasana) I will lead the students through a guided loving kindness meditation. I do this because I have found this practice to have such a profound effect on my own life. Practicing loving kindness--even for a few minutes a day-- helps me to develop compassion for myself and to get out of a negative state of mind.

I'll give you a quick synopsis and then some links to read or listen to the meditation yourself:

First sit in a meditation seat or in any comfortable manner with a straight spine. Tune into your breath, feeling it go in and out. Notice what is happening in your body and mind, the sensations, the thoughts.

Then take your awareness to your heart center and feel the sensations there. Breathe some space into your chest. Picture yourself sitting (or lying) here. Picture what you're wearing and the position of your body and then say to yourself: May I be at peace. May I be happy. May I be free... (you can change these phrases to whatever feels right to you as long as you're cultivating loving kindness).

Notice any resistance, judgment or tension that arises and let it be. Allow yourself to open to the feelings of loving kindness. Let the feelings wash over you.

Then begin to extend the thoughts of loving kindness toward other beings-- allowing a mental picture of the person/people/beings to arise first. Repeat the phrases for each being or group of beings
...May they be happy. May they be at peace. May they be free.
Start with someone that you love dearly and move onto someone who challenges you. Next extend this loving kindness to people that you don't know, allowing the group to grow until it encompasses all sentient beings. 

Be sure to repeat the phrases at each step and give time to allow yourself to open, and allow the feelings to wash over you. 

After extending loving kindness to all beings, I like to bring it back in to your own heart. Again, picture yourself and end with repeating the phrases to yourself. May I be happy, May I be at peace, May I be free. 

If at any point you are doubting, resisting, scoffing, judging, etc., go back to the phrases. The loving kindness will come eventually, even if you're not feeling it.

After all, as zen teacher, Cheri Huber says, What You Practice is What You Have.

May we all be happy. May we be at peace. May we be free. 

peace out.


Links:
Loving Kindness script by teacher Stephen Levine
script from Wisdom Heart.org
Guided loving kindness meditation--mp3 (there are a lot on the interwebs, this is just one example)

illustration source

Saturday in Photos

Our Dia de los Muertos altar

Odin on the altar

Not S &M (although one of my yoga students calls this fabulous restorative pose "butterfly bondage").

Birthday dinner for my father-in-law at V Bistro & Bar. Awesome guy mixing it up on the sax & drums.

Happy 'just enough' Spring.

Yesterday marked the spring equinox and we barely even had a winter! I know that I've been absent from my blog lately... so here are just a couple of things I've been thinking about and learning:

1.  I took another one of Christa's Franklin method classes--this time it was about the jaw and neck. I always learn so much from her about how my body works and can apply it directly to my yoga teaching. I had a crazy knot in my shoulder that went away the morning after taking her class.  Awesome.

But the pivotal breakthough I had wasn't even about my anatomy--
it was the idea of using 'just enough effort' in everything I do. This has always made complete sense to me with my body--economy of movement. You don't want to expend any extra energy by clenching your fists while you run or your jaw while you flow through a vinyasa yoga class, right?

I've always had it set in my head (from years of everyone telling me that trying hard is what matters), that if I try hard enough, I can do it.

First of all... that's just not true. But because it usually worked for me it led me to believe that trying even harder must be better. This really killed me with teaching at a charter school because I could ALWAYS work harder. I could always be BETTER, right? When really... I just need to be 'good enough' for what I want to achieve-- which might be different from day to day.  And relaxing-- rather than always pushing to be better will allow me to be 'better' anyway-- same with parenting.
Expending 'just enough' energy makes more sense.

2.  I'm on a new path for healing. I have been dealing with horrible allergies since I was eight years old. Insomnia and stress would flare up throughout the years depending on my life circumstances. For the past 6 years I've been getting worse with the allergies and insomnia. I attributed it first to my job, and then to the death of my mom, new baby, etc... But there's always something and even though I've tried every nutritional plan, supplement and holistic therapy possible, I can't seem to get better. I reached a breaking point.
I found this article and the doctor that wrote it. I'm going to get a hair test for heavy metals and it will probably show that I am toxic. Her plan is more affordable than anything else I've ever done and it makes so much sense. The catch is that it could take a couple of years to heal my adrenals (and in that process let go of the heavy metals). Yikes. But completely worth it if I can feel like myself again... I've been feeling rather hopeless about it lately...

Just one more thing...
3. Speaking of heavy metals, I really love Desi's recipe for natural deodorant. I've always known that most make-up is not made of good stuff, but it really hit home when I received the county's trash instructions and they had cosmetics on the "toxic, not to be thrown out with the normal trash" list. Yikes! So, I'm on a search for natural beauty products that work well.

 If you have any recipes or recommendations please let me know...

Thanks for listening... sorry so long!
xo

Burning Question: How do you want it all to feel?

From the archives... with Desi.

"The Burning question" is an interactive exercise that Danielle (of White Hot Truth) started. She creates a question, answers it, and then invites you to do the same.

The first one:  How do you want it all to feel?  was so much fun to do. In her words:
"Feelings are magnetic. So it goes that if you generate certain feelings — and you have the power to create any feeling you desire — then you increase the power of your emotional magnetism. But we need to limber up, loosen the images and adjectives encrusted on our goals and most-desired states. It helps to get poetic, lyrical, and abstract. Go there with me."
  
Here it goes: 

I want my home to feel like cinnamon and hot chocolate in a Morrocan patterned teacup with a hint of cayenne.
I want my friendships to feel like eating watermelon and spitting out the seeds or like riding a bike downhill with the wind blowing through my hair.
I want kissing to feel like music.
I want my day to feel like walking through a shop of curiosities and taking all the time I want.
I want my body to feel like a ninja with soft skin.
I want my nervous system to feel like soaking in a hot spring in the winter desert at sunrise.
I want my money making to feel like an ocean view and lying on warm sand.
I want my success to feel like a fantastic piece of art and dancing with my kids to a favorite song.
I want my bed to feel like post- massage or yoga bliss
I want parenting to feel like hiking a winding mountain trail in springtime.
I want my laughter to feel like a cup of ginger tea with honey and lemon.
I want my love to feel like a tall tree bursting with color and swaying in the breeze.
I want my smile to feel like a sparkling string of lights at night.
I want my neighborhood to feel like a potluck dinner and a busy, funky cafe.
I want my challenges to feel like climbing trees.
I want my ideas to feel like a baby with rosy cheeks, bright eyes and a cute, round bottom or like cutting open a perfect avocado and scooping out the deliciousness.
I want my teaching to feel like jumping in the ocean for a swim or like finding a fresh mountain spring.
I want the end of my day to feel like lying under a tree and looking up at the breathing crown of leaves.

 Wanna do it too? Include a couple of your desired states in the comments if you'd like. I'd love to hear what you want.
Here's to a beautiful day...

--Colleen

What you practice is what you have. (a declaration of liberation)

 I finally decided that enough was enough. I will not postpone happiness until life is less stressful.  Anxiety will no longer  trump my peace card.

I am finished focusing on 'self improvement' and giving power to the critical voices in my head. Trying to be 'better' at EVERYTHING is exhausting. It doesn't work. It's not like I'll reach a certain point and finally satisfy the voice that tells me "You can do BETTER!" Because there is always somewhere to go.

Instead, I will practice feeling like I have already arrived at 'Better'. Instead of practicing being self-critical and overwhelmed, I will practice letting those thoughts pass by and directing my attention to my body, to what is happening in the moment.

These trees remind me to stop.

I picked up another book of Cheri Huber's: What You Practice is What You Have, in the same week as Desi directed me to Danielle LaPorte's website: White Hot Truth. The similarities between the messages of these two teachers (one a Zen monk and the other an inspiring entrepreneurial coach) was synchronistic for me.

They are saying the same thing:

"Self improvement infers there’s something wrong with you, so you’re already starting off with a disadvantage.
Of course there’s something to improve — always will be, life is an evolutionary equation. But liberation is about consciously choosing your perspectives, moment to moment, so let’s choose viewpoints that are advantageous and give us warm fuzzy, encouraging feelings."
--Danielle LaPorte, "Why Self Improvement Makes You Neurotic", White Hot Truth

I am all for liberation. In fact, I am practicing liberation right now.

What are you practicing?

Book Notes: *Poser, my life in twenty-three yoga poses* by Claire Dederer

This is not a yoga book. It's not a book that preaches about being present or 'just breathing'.  It is a memoir that made me laugh out loud and also made me seriously reflect on some of my own crap. Claire is a new mom in her 30s who starts to do yoga. She is plagued by her own perfectionism and this is the story of how she begins to let it go.

She is irreverent to the whole yoga thing (which I love).  In one scene, Claire has just walked into her second yoga class (she is skeptical). Enter: the teacher:
"I am Atosa," she said. Like hell you are, sister.

Descriptions of the over-educated mom trying to make all of the right choices really hit home with me. Breastfeeding, making her own baby food (organic, of course), choosing the 'right' preschool. These things were the 'rules' of Claire's liberal neighborhood in Seattle.
Our goodness was driven by an underlying terror: What if we stopped?....There was trouble lurking at the edge of my effort; all I could do was everything, and do it right.

  This made me ask myself, "What would happen if I stopped being 'good'?" Hmmmm. Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Let me rephrase that. I mean, I know that I'm putting too much pressure on myself... to parent correctly, 'wife' correctly, create correctly, career correctly....but is it because of fear? It sounds almost ridiculous. OF COURSE it's because of fear, right? What else could it be?

It reminded me of what a well-intentioned therapist, Steve, once said to me when I was talking about the pressures I was putting on myself at work (teaching at a charter school): What would happen if you were just 'good enough'? 

I realized that 'good enough' made me uncomfortable. How could I do that? I must do the absolute best job that I can at all times or..... or what? I couldn't even fathom it. I couldn't imagine not putting in my best effort at work. It was black or white for me. Either I would be doing the best job or I would be a crappy teacher. There was no in between. No balance. Insanity. I never thought I was a perfectionist because I don't care too much about getting all the lines straight or the 'i's dotted. I am more free-form. I'm big picture, not details. I didn't realize that there are many ways to be a perfectionist.

But enough about me and my analysis paralysis.

Back to the book. I loved it. When I finish up the biography of Steve Jobs (a much more intense perfectionist) I might just have to read it again.

Three minutes to energy, creativity and prosperity!

I was struggling for something to write about on this 29th day of National Blog Posting Month. Jason and I finally attempted to come up with a budget today--but I didn't want to post about money worries or scarcity, so I googled prosperity to see if there was any wisdom out there in cyberspace from the new age gurus. I found some fairly cheesy stuff (picture 5 minute You tube slideshows with words in Papyrus font and bad music); but there was nothing worth posting.

Then I remembered a Kundalini yoga kriya (a set of postures and breath) that is supposed to create energy, creativity and prosperity.

Have you ever done any Kundalini yoga? It is seriously crazy stuff. You can change your entire attitude and being in just a few minutes. So I broke out my book: Kundalini Yoga by Shakta Kaur Khalsa and thought I'd share it with you. I completed a yoga training with the author of the book and highly recommend it.

I also managed to convince Jasona to pose for the photos. (Not sure how I pulled that one off).

Damn. The copyright statement on the bottom of the webpage just scared me away from posting it here. Maybe I'm too irreverent, but I don't really understand the 'why' of it.  However, I do know that I don't want to piss off a yoga guru who could possibly invoke their yogic siddhis on me.

Instead--please do check out the instructions for this quick and easy 3 minute sequence for energy creativity and prosperity. There are 3 postures. You can do each for 3 minutes or just choose one. This can also be found on pgs. 130-131 of Shakta's book.

Here are the photos of Jason bringing it in:

Energize

Creativity

Prosperity: "Excel, excel, fearless."

Yoga for Cancer

It was a rainy day in San Francisco--perfect weather for being inside a spacious yoga studio with a wall of windows. I was surrounded by a group of teachers dedicated to helping themselves and others heal. Some of them were cancer survivors in remission. Others were in the thick of treatments. And yet others (like me) either work with those affected by cancer or were somehow inspired to do so.

As people began introducing themselves around the semi-circle, I could feel their words like music that speaks directly to your heart--the kind of music that takes you out of your head and delivers you to life. I knew that I'd probably cry when I did my introduction. (I've always excelled at crying in front of others. My emotions diffuse through my skin, and I'm so sensitive to people's energy, which makes it hard to keep from crying. I was always embarrassed of this as a kid, but I've learned to run with it and embrace it as a strength.) I could  feel my mom in the yoga studio with me and the stories of those around me were so moving. There was some serious strength present and I felt honored to be be a part of it. This manifested as tears.

Tari Prinster, a yogi and a cancer survivor, shared with us some of her wisdom. I learned the science of why certain postures strengthen the immune system and why some should be avoided. She addressed the emotional, mental and physical needs of someone with cancer and how to work with these needs. I started going back through my notes tonight and wish I had done this a day after the workshop, rather than a week. I can barely read my own writing! Tari was wonderful and I hope that I can do a future training with her. Normally her teacher trainings are 45 hours. This was just a 2 day workshop (and I could only attend one day).

I look forward to sharing what I learned with others. I'm going to start with my husband's aunt who is interested in incorporating yoga into her treatment. From there I hope to offer a class to other people in the community.

Here is a quote from BKS Iyengar that Tari shared with us. I think of it as remembering to keep a 'beginner's mind' or the curiosity of a child when teaching or with everything, really....

To stay awake means,  “To not imagine that you already understand and impose your imperfect understanding on those who come to you for help.”

Or in the words of the Zen teacher, Suzuki: 

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.

Saturday in Photos

I went to San Francisco yesterday for a yoga workshop with Tari Prinster on teaching yoga to cancer survivors. It was a long day (3 hour drive) and I didn't make it back in time to post. I have to remember to take more photos next Saturday. I didn't get a single shot of my beautiful cousin! We had a bite to eat and a glass of wine at Chow. It was so cozy sitting at the bar on a cold and rainy night.

Here are some photos along the way-- ending with my car needing a jump in the  San Francisco Trader Joe's parking lot at 10 pm... I'll post more on the yoga workshop later today this week. I hope your Saturday was all that you dreamed of and more....

driving through the Central Valley

old bullring in the valley

Fortunately, I always find the nicest folks when my car breaks down

talk nice.

I love the voices in my head. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But lately, they've been bringing me down with their endless commentary and criticisms.

Last night I went to the first class in a series with Christa Rypins. She is the owner of Intelligent Body Movement Studio (where I teach yoga once a week) and a renown teacher of yoga, Pilates and the Franklin Method of imagery. The class is called Digest for Happiness. Christa shows us how to visualize our digestive system to help it work better through breath and imagery. Very cool. You wouldn't believe how transformative this stuff can be.

Here's the example she used to introduce us to the practice. We did the simple exercise of inhaling our shoulders up to our ears and then exhaling while releasing them down our backs. This is something I do daily and remind my yoga students to do throughout a class. After doing it the way I just described we then used 'self-talk' while doing the exercise-- saying (in our heads or out loud) "My shoulders are healthy and flexible". Just that simple change alone increased the movement of our shoulders and the positive feelings while doing it. We also tried 'mood' talk: shrugging while saying "I am loved, I am loving."-- it may sound out there to you, but try it-- it sure feels nice. Anatomical visualizations and metaphors were next. We did the exercise while visualizing the way the scapula bones glide up and down the back and also while comparing the movement to a waterfall. By the end of this my neck felt long and my shoulders were so relaxed I could practically reach my knees with my fingertips.

How will I use what I learned? First of all, it brought my attention to how negative the voices in my head have been lately. I'm always telling yoga students: "Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend", but I have definitely not been practicing this. I'm going to start integrating imagery and self talk into my yoga class and personal practice to help increase relaxation and mind-body awareness.

I feel better already.

How are the voices in your head?

Do your practice and all is coming.

Do your practice and all is coming.
--Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

I reminded myself of this the other day as I stepped onto my yoga mat, trying to ignore my chattering mind.  I began my sun salutations, moving through them smoothly not wanting them to end. They don't always feel that way, sometimes I feel choppy and chaotic, lethargic and heavy. But what I love about the ashtanga practice* is that it doesn't matter. I flow through the same postures, my body remembers where to go--following my breath. It is a rhythm, a sequence. By the time I reach utthita hasta padangusthasana, I am laughing as I work to keep my balance while standing on one leg and lifting the other leg up by wrapping my fingers around my big toe.
It's fun.
Yoga is fun.
It's not as serious as people make it out to be-- inisisting that you 'must' do yoga...or that you must do it a certain way. bullshit.
Have fun. Do yoga if you want.
I like it because it makes me laugh (and sometimes cry). It helps me to enjoy my body in new ways--to truly 'inhabit' my body rather than live crammed up in my head all of the time.
I like it because it helps me to laugh at myself as I watch my chattering mind and see how completely insane my thoughts can be.
I am grateful to have a studio where I can go and practice right around the corner. I teach there too. It's a sanctuary for me-- away from the endless demands of the two little boys who call me mama. Even if it's only 40 minutes-- it is so damn good.
On days when I feel anxious, down or completely insane I am trying to remember:
Do your practice and all is coming.

*Ashtanga  is a system of yoga that was recorded by the sage Rishi in an ancient manuscript called the Yoga Korunta. Pattabhi Jois (1915-2009) was the founder of modern Ashtanga yoga. The practice was taught to him by Krishnamacharya who is credited with being the source or influence of almost all modern yoga--specifically Ashtanga, Iyengar and Viniyoga.  I'll write more about the practice of ashtanga in a future post.

Photo by Jason B Smith