What you practice is what you have. (a declaration of liberation)

 I finally decided that enough was enough. I will not postpone happiness until life is less stressful.  Anxiety will no longer  trump my peace card.

I am finished focusing on 'self improvement' and giving power to the critical voices in my head. Trying to be 'better' at EVERYTHING is exhausting. It doesn't work. It's not like I'll reach a certain point and finally satisfy the voice that tells me "You can do BETTER!" Because there is always somewhere to go.

Instead, I will practice feeling like I have already arrived at 'Better'. Instead of practicing being self-critical and overwhelmed, I will practice letting those thoughts pass by and directing my attention to my body, to what is happening in the moment.

These trees remind me to stop.

I picked up another book of Cheri Huber's: What You Practice is What You Have, in the same week as Desi directed me to Danielle LaPorte's website: White Hot Truth. The similarities between the messages of these two teachers (one a Zen monk and the other an inspiring entrepreneurial coach) was synchronistic for me.

They are saying the same thing:

"Self improvement infers there’s something wrong with you, so you’re already starting off with a disadvantage.
Of course there’s something to improve — always will be, life is an evolutionary equation. But liberation is about consciously choosing your perspectives, moment to moment, so let’s choose viewpoints that are advantageous and give us warm fuzzy, encouraging feelings."
--Danielle LaPorte, "Why Self Improvement Makes You Neurotic", White Hot Truth

I am all for liberation. In fact, I am practicing liberation right now.

What are you practicing?

Dreaming in 2012

I've never been much for resolutions, but I've always been a sucker for self-help books and activities like The Artist's Way or How to Think Like Da Vinci. I signed up for a newsletter the other day at mondobeyondo.org, and although I'm skeptical of 'life coaches' and such, I'm curious about what they do. They sent me a PDF 'dream generator' (a list of questions to write and think about). When Jasona came home early from work on New Year's Day and the boys were napping I convinced him to go through the exercise with me for fun.   Here are some of my answers. Maybe typing them on the screen as well as writing them longhand will bring them into existence *Poof*!

1. Where do I want to go?
In no specific order:
The Parker Hotel in Palm Springs (tomorrow would be nice), Europe: (Italy, France, Spain, Greece, Turkey), India, Argentina/South America, Egypt, Thailand, Ireland (again)

2. What would I like to learn?
(again in no particular order): To telemark ski (better than now), to play a stringed instrument like the ukelele or banjo or guitar, to become more fluent in Spanish and another language, to sleep completely through the night, to knit, crochet and even sew (just a bit), various yoga poses and the teaching of various yoga poses, some martial arts, to dance salsa or swing or something similar, and to let go....(because there is SO much more I'd like to learn)

3. What emotion am I longing to experience?
a lengthy bit of elation would be nice.

4.   I'd like to surrender:
the pressure I put on myself to be 'good' at everything--to allow myself to relax and enjoy life more.

5. What adventure am I longing for?
Travel overseas

6. What would I like to own?
(in no particular order): a bike to convert to a mamachari, a deep soaking tub, a really nice bed, quality furniture, pots and pans, some new (to me) clothes.

7. What kind of chance meeting would feel miraculous?
A spiritual teacher (Dalai Lama), someone with amazing connections for us that lead to employment and wealth, my mom.

8. What are some joyful things that I wish I did regularly?
Ski (just need some snow!), rock climb, mountain bike, climb trees, dance. I used to do these more often and I need more of them.

9. What dreams keep coming back to me?
Living in Europe, earning a PhD., running a bed & breakfast

10. What is one dream I've never been brave enough to say outloud?
I feel like I could be some sort of 'healer/teacher' --someone that could truly help people on a deep level--to help people find their own path and joy in life. I haven't been brave enough to say this out loud because it sounds presumptuous and egotistical and hokey on some levels and (of course) I don't mean it that way. I also have so much spiritual work to do before I'd be capable of doing this and that's scary....as letting go of old patterns and bad habits usually is.



Okay. Now, your turn.....and here's to bringing dreams to reality in 2012!