Burning Question: What's one dumb thing you used to believe?

"The Burning question" is an interactive exercise that Danielle (of White Hot Truth) started. She creates a weekly question, answers it, and then invites you to do the same.
Here's this week's edition:
What's one dumb thing you used to believe?

One dumb thing that I used to believe is that my self-worth is judged by what I achieve and (more importantly) how those achievements are perceived by other people.

Actually, I still have a hard time letting go of this even as I write it. It is a well worn brain path: that if I can prove to OTHERS that I am actually worthy of their admiration then I will become worthy of their admiration. There, I said it. Out loud. I catch myself with this all of the time; I think: I can change what people think about me by doing something to make them think differently of me. If I just prove to them that I am good at This. That or The other thing, then they will certainly see that I am worthy of their love.

*Sigh.*
So sad. Poor little 7-year-old Colleen trying to prove to her mom that she really is a good girl and not as difficult as she comes across....

I've let this go (and certainly forgive my mom) but it's a tough one. I spent many years being successful at convincing people that I am worthy. I became convinced that my self- worth was tied in to these successes. Newsflash: if you have success with your flawed thinking it may take longer to see that your thinking is flawed! Fortunately, I am such a crazy-sensitive being with a heavy dose of intuition that my inner struggle was apparent early on.

Now I can laugh at it and be grateful that I am aware.

I do love this journey called life. And thankfully,  I learned that love of life from my mom.  I wish I could cuddle up with her right now.

How about you? what's one dumb thing you used to believe?

Burning Question: How do you want it all to feel?

From the archives... with Desi.

"The Burning question" is an interactive exercise that Danielle (of White Hot Truth) started. She creates a question, answers it, and then invites you to do the same.

The first one:  How do you want it all to feel?  was so much fun to do. In her words:
"Feelings are magnetic. So it goes that if you generate certain feelings — and you have the power to create any feeling you desire — then you increase the power of your emotional magnetism. But we need to limber up, loosen the images and adjectives encrusted on our goals and most-desired states. It helps to get poetic, lyrical, and abstract. Go there with me."
  
Here it goes: 

I want my home to feel like cinnamon and hot chocolate in a Morrocan patterned teacup with a hint of cayenne.
I want my friendships to feel like eating watermelon and spitting out the seeds or like riding a bike downhill with the wind blowing through my hair.
I want kissing to feel like music.
I want my day to feel like walking through a shop of curiosities and taking all the time I want.
I want my body to feel like a ninja with soft skin.
I want my nervous system to feel like soaking in a hot spring in the winter desert at sunrise.
I want my money making to feel like an ocean view and lying on warm sand.
I want my success to feel like a fantastic piece of art and dancing with my kids to a favorite song.
I want my bed to feel like post- massage or yoga bliss
I want parenting to feel like hiking a winding mountain trail in springtime.
I want my laughter to feel like a cup of ginger tea with honey and lemon.
I want my love to feel like a tall tree bursting with color and swaying in the breeze.
I want my smile to feel like a sparkling string of lights at night.
I want my neighborhood to feel like a potluck dinner and a busy, funky cafe.
I want my challenges to feel like climbing trees.
I want my ideas to feel like a baby with rosy cheeks, bright eyes and a cute, round bottom or like cutting open a perfect avocado and scooping out the deliciousness.
I want my teaching to feel like jumping in the ocean for a swim or like finding a fresh mountain spring.
I want the end of my day to feel like lying under a tree and looking up at the breathing crown of leaves.

 Wanna do it too? Include a couple of your desired states in the comments if you'd like. I'd love to hear what you want.
Here's to a beautiful day...

--Colleen