"The Burning question" is an interactive exercise that Danielle (of White Hot Truth) started. She creates a weekly question, answers it, and then invites you to do the same.Here's this week's edition:
What's one dumb thing you used to believe?
One dumb thing that I used to believe is that my self-worth is judged by what I achieve and (more importantly) how those achievements are perceived by other people.
Actually, I still have a hard time letting go of this even as I write it. It is a well worn brain path: that if I can prove to OTHERS that I am actually worthy of their admiration then I will become worthy of their admiration. There, I said it. Out loud. I catch myself with this all of the time; I think: I can change what people think about me by doing something to make them think differently of me. If I just prove to them that I am good at This. That or The other thing, then they will certainly see that I am worthy of their love.
*Sigh.*
So sad. Poor little 7-year-old Colleen trying to prove to her mom that she really is a good girl and not as difficult as she comes across....
I've let this go (and certainly forgive my mom) but it's a tough one. I spent many years being successful at convincing people that I am worthy. I became convinced that my self- worth was tied in to these successes. Newsflash: if you have success with your flawed thinking it may take longer to see that your thinking is flawed! Fortunately, I am such a crazy-sensitive being with a heavy dose of intuition that my inner struggle was apparent early on.
Now I can laugh at it and be grateful that I am aware.
I do love this journey called life. And thankfully, I learned that love of life from my mom. I wish I could cuddle up with her right now.
How about you? what's one dumb thing you used to believe?
that forgiving someone let's them "off the hook"...i still struggle with this one too....but now i know it's dumb ;-)
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ReplyDeletePoop. I just deleted that. I meant to reply to my own comment. LOL. Let's see if I can recapture that...
DeleteI was struggling with some thoughts yesterday that were between your and Jora's old thoughts. I had my feelings hurt and I know that the person that hurt them is clueless. I want to let the grudge that I'm holding onto go because it's not serving me and I know they are just being who they are. I have grudge issues.
The dumb belief I had was that I had to be perfect in some way to have deserve love and friendship. Now I know that my presence is enough. Just being in the moment is enough. It really helps let go a lot of pressure.
...that if I can just be "perfect from now on" everything's going to be, um, perfect. And, unfortunately, perfect is a broad concept; it can be applied to most any situation. But, the dumb part about it, obviously, is that it's an impossible barrier between here and real happiness.
ReplyDeleteI used to believe that retelling my wildest past stories made me more interesting and honest. In retrospect, I feel like such an ass for being overly upfront and I've learned that some thing are better left behind. Besides, I still have lots of other stories to share. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading my 'stuff' and sharing your 'dumb beliefs' everyone! I skipped this weeks burning question... I've been lazy about blogging. *sigh* xo
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