2.21.2012

Burning Question: What's one dumb thing you used to believe?


"The Burning question" is an interactive exercise that Danielle (of White Hot Truth) started. She creates a weekly question, answers it, and then invites you to do the same.
Here's this week's edition:
What's one dumb thing you used to believe?

One dumb thing that I used to believe is that my self-worth is judged by what I achieve and (more importantly) how those achievements are perceived by other people.

Actually, I still have a hard time letting go of this even as I write it. It is a well worn brain path: that if I can prove to OTHERS that I am actually worthy of their admiration then I will become worthy of their admiration. There, I said it. Out loud. I catch myself with this all of the time; I think: I can change what people think about me by doing something to make them think differently of me. If I just prove to them that I am good at This. That or The other thing, then they will certainly see that I am worthy of their love.

*Sigh.*
So sad. Poor little 7-year-old Colleen trying to prove to her mom that she really is a good girl and not as difficult as she comes across....

I've let this go (and certainly forgive my mom) but it's a tough one. I spent many years being successful at convincing people that I am worthy. I became convinced that my self- worth was tied in to these successes. Newsflash: if you have success with your flawed thinking it may take longer to see that your thinking is flawed! Fortunately, I am such a crazy-sensitive being with a heavy dose of intuition that my inner struggle was apparent early on.

Now I can laugh at it and be grateful that I am aware.

I do love this journey called life. And thankfully,  I learned that love of life from my mom.  I wish I could cuddle up with her right now.

How about you? what's one dumb thing you used to believe?

6 comments:

  1. that forgiving someone let's them "off the hook"...i still struggle with this one too....but now i know it's dumb ;-)

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    1. Poop. I just deleted that. I meant to reply to my own comment. LOL. Let's see if I can recapture that...

      I was struggling with some thoughts yesterday that were between your and Jora's old thoughts. I had my feelings hurt and I know that the person that hurt them is clueless. I want to let the grudge that I'm holding onto go because it's not serving me and I know they are just being who they are. I have grudge issues.

      The dumb belief I had was that I had to be perfect in some way to have deserve love and friendship. Now I know that my presence is enough. Just being in the moment is enough. It really helps let go a lot of pressure.

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  3. ...that if I can just be "perfect from now on" everything's going to be, um, perfect. And, unfortunately, perfect is a broad concept; it can be applied to most any situation. But, the dumb part about it, obviously, is that it's an impossible barrier between here and real happiness.

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  4. I used to believe that retelling my wildest past stories made me more interesting and honest. In retrospect, I feel like such an ass for being overly upfront and I've learned that some thing are better left behind. Besides, I still have lots of other stories to share. :)

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  5. Thanks for reading my 'stuff' and sharing your 'dumb beliefs' everyone! I skipped this weeks burning question... I've been lazy about blogging. *sigh* xo

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